I am my favorite person, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Here’s the thing: Our lives are exactly what we make of them. Every second is a choice, and that’s not just some hippy/hyper-positive woo bullshit. It’s just a fact. You made a choice to read this blog post. I made the choice to write it. Our choices determine our lives and no one will ever convince me that I should choose someone else’s comfort over my own confidence and happiness.
If there isn’t a middle ground to be had, I’m not choosing to put myself last.
Over the past few years I’ve worked with dozens of women who have wonderful ideas, but lack the confidence necessary to follow through on their visions. I can’t give you confidence. You have to do the work to cultivate and grow that in yourself. But I can give you some tough talk about what’s worked for me.
The trick to building your confidence is holding fast to your own feelings. You have to be able to identify when you feel empowered, and when you feel small. You’ve got to clock who fuels your batteries, and what gives you the ick. And then you have to choose which you prefer.
I don’t believe in making excessive compromises for people who repeatedly give me bad feelings.
I’ve spent the last two years working through my triggers and my reactions. I understand now that everyone who taps a nerve isn’t necessarily an enemy. They often don’t even know how their behavior affects me. But if I notice a pattern, it’s my choice to allow it into my life, or reject it.
When something trips my confidence I choose to cut it out.
I have important work to do with my life. That work may only be writing blogs and building beautiful, functional websites for creatives. It may not seem tremendously important to anyone else. But I’m deeply connected to what I do. I want to be a facilitator for birthing others’ dreams into the digital landscape.
I want to encourage and empower others to follow their dreams, to go after their goals, to materialize their ideas.
And I can’t function at my optimal capacity if I’m dealing with people who cast doubt onto me. I can’t do my best if I don’t feel my best. If I don’t feel appreciated, or respected, it calls into question my purpose in the relationship. I don’t have time to question my purpose. It’s inefficient and detracts from the plotline of my life.
So my guiding philosophy is that anyone or anything that causes me to second-guess, or makes me feel small or insignificant has to go. As I explain in the video, I don’t need to be flattered. I don’t need sunshine blown up my ass. But I do need to feel capable as baseline, and powerful at best. I need to feel like what I’m doing is working.
I choose to build my confidence as often as possible.
So if I catch a bad vibe, or an ick, or someone shows me that they don’t view me the same as I view myself they can fucking go.
This is what works for me. I can only hope that some part of this perspective gives you the spark you need. I hope I inspire you to tolerate less bullshit from other people, and to put more value in your own feelings. If you need permission to choose your happiness over others’ comfort here it is.
Press play, and let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
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